i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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