he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
