I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
