What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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