how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
