rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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