hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
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