I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
