Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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