I am midnight drunk by noon
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
