He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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