with your own penis?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
