You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
