I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
