Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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