i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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