My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
