So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
