sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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