Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
