i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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