The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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