he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
