all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
