I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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