My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
