oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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