i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
