So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's just like the Real World with babies
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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