i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
