Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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