I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
