im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
