Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
