I want to stick my p in your. b.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
