yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He has the fingertips of a God
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