I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
