I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
