she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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