im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
