My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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