No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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