Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
