I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
