I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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