I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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