I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
