STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
