matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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