A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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