im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
