I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
