my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
