Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drake has all the answers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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