dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
