the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
