(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
