Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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